Part 4: Satisfaction
For the last section of our Makeover, we will be discussing satisfaction and why it is the most important piece of your sex life. When we talk about satisfaction we are not talking about orgasm. While orgasm can be apart of satisfaction, it is not needed to feel satisfied in your sex life. Satisfaction is an understanding of the other elements we have talked about (desire, pleasure and eroticism), along with psychological and emotional components. It is feeling bonded and valued within the relationship itself, along with the sexual relationship.
Afterplay
The most forgotten element of sex is the interaction after sex. Each partner will vary in what they are wanting after sex and how to stay connected. A kiss and ‘I love you’ may be sufficient for one partner or even some situations, but not for the other partner or other situations. Afterplay is just as important as foreplay and intercourse. Discuss this with your partner, specifically how they would like afterplay to go and how they can stay connected. Adding a shower, cuddling, back massage, small conversation, or sitting on a deck can be good additions to stay connected.
Varying Sexual Encounters
Sex is going to be different each time. You may have similar routines or patterns that emerge the more you have sex, but even then; mood, temperature, stress levels, medical issues, or many other aspects will affect how satisfied you are in the interaction. Embrace the differences in these interactions and communicate with your partner. You and your partner may not ‘sync up’ on your sexual explorations- so it is important that everyone’s opinion is taken into account and balance is found in the relationship. And as a side note: the sex you are having should not (and cannot) be ‘movie sex’ every time. So embrace all the different types and vibes of sex you are having with good communication with your partner.
Valuing sex
Sex and intimacy should be treasured in the relationship. You and your partner need to work on it to make it healthy and robust. Even when life gets crazy both partners need to communicate their sexual needs. The romantic and sexual relationship should be seen as a comfort when stress rises. Don’t put sex or sex talk on the back burner- it is very difficult to cultivate the communication level that you once had after a long stint of avoiding.
Respect & Trust
Trust and respect start to build even more as time moves on and the relationship starts to flourish. It is important that both partners keep these two elements in the forefront of their mind in order to stay happy and healthy. When either party wavers in these areas- both need to communication thoroughly on how they felt and how to reduce it from happening in the future. Remember: You are a team.
Sexy Convos
Keep the conversations going; sexual or not. Don’t let this be the end of your sex makeover. The more you converse, the less likely subjects will be taboo and the more you can communicate your needs. All good things take persistent hard work and dedication to the goal. So get out there and work as a team on your sexy goals.
Check out more Makeover here:
Happy sexual discussions friends!
– Jessie the Therapist
For more information and resources:
Sex made simple. By: Barry McCarthy, PhD
Sex matters for women. By: Foley, Kope, and Sugrue
Mating in captivity. By: E. Perel
The sexual healing journey. By: W. Maltz
Go ask alice! Website: https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/
Photo by: Jason Briscoe
