Some people are simply natural emotional dumpsters. Are you one of them? Others will unload all their feelings on you and feel better, but then you seem to be carrying the burden. You may feel like you are helping others (and you are) but you need to learn how to make it healthy for you too. If you are trying to figure out how to set up healthy boundaries for yourself, try a few of these techniques.

• Be mindful. This one always seems to make the list in some form, but it is affective. If you can pay close attention to how you are feeling emotionally and physically, you are better at setting up boundaries and using coping skills when you need them. The easiest way to take a moment of mindfulness is to stop what you are doing and start a body scan. Start from your toes and work your way up your body paying close attention to areas that seem tense or fatigued. Very quickly you can get the general sense of how you are feeling and what would be helpful for you at that time. The key here is not to ‘power though’ these uncomfortable sensations, but to recognize your needs to stay healthy.
• Alone time. In general alone time is important in order to get a dose of mindfulness and do what you need to do to stay healthy. Make sure you get a little time by yourself that you can sit with your thoughts and rest from social interactions. This can be as simple as driving alone to spending a whole evening at home recharging.
• Shield yourself. Your mind soaks up all the things we expose it too. Make sure to limit scary shows or reading disturbing material, specifically before bed. Take breaks (even an hour) from distressing people/situations, even those you can’t necessarily control. Know what drains you and what fills you up. It is important to keep these balanced. Be proactive with your healthy mind.    
• Set time limits. Good boundaries also include setting time limits and sticking to them. Sleep is imperative, so have a bedtime. Time limits will be different for different people and situations. Make sure that the time spent is positive and productive for all parties. Even if it is only 15 minutes at a time, you should feel that you were respected and not feel exhausted from the exchange.
• Ground yourself. After interacting with others, sometimes it can feel difficult to be the true athenic version of yourself. Find the ‘real you’ after by being mindful and finding your ‘safe place’. This can be your home or imagining the perfect safe calm place where you can relax. Mindful techniques like using your five senses to eat/drink/create a craft/etc can be helpful to feel centered.
• Boundaries. Be clear and direct with what you will accept and what you will not. Usually the biggest problem people have with boundaries is that they have not thought about what they want and don’t want. Take time to think about what you allow in your life and how you can stick to these boundaries as push back occurs.
• Self care. This makes every list because it is so important. Do uplifting and satisfying things for you. This should include mental and physical health along with spiritual and community.
• Don’t self medicate. Often times the most emotional sensitive people want to not be so sensitive from time to time. Unfortunately others may tell you that being sensitive is a problem, but it is not. It is a gift. With all gifts, you must learn to weld its power and learn to take care of yourself too. Do not try to numb or find relief in substances. It does not take away the issues and usually makes things worse. Learn what you need to take care of yourself without having to self medicate.

My Challenge to you: Take some time to review these aspects and see if there is any of them you can start applying. All of these will take time and self reflection to perfect for yourself, so be kind as you learn what is best for you.

And as always, remember that you have a gift. Protect yourself and this gift so you can do the most good with it.

Happy closing the lid friends!

– Jessie the Therapist

 

Photo by: Tony Hernandez