Part 2: Pleasure
Pleasure is defined as happy satisfaction and enjoyment. Pleasure within the context of sexuality includes sensual and playful touch, not just intercourse. Creating pleasure as a couple creates closeness, intimacy, and warmth. You both must be able to experience pleasurable touch in a comfortable, kind, and trusting manner. Trust is the key here. You can not truly let your guard down to experience pleasure if you do not trust your partner. Enemies of pleasure are any element that breaks trust- even very minor. Trust must be built in a steady manner in order for both people to experience the full enjoyment of their relationship.
Power of touch
Just because you are going to be touching and pleasuring your partner, does not mean you are going to have sex. Touch should not be exclusive to intercourse. Touch is a very powerful tool for bonding and closeness.
Goof around
Being playful in your touch can keep interactions light and relaxed. Play is pleasurable. Believe it or not- tickling your partner, pinching their bum, or giving them a shake hug is important to bonding and connecting with one another. So be a little silly with them, in whatever context your relationship elicits.
Undressing
Sometimes we can get into a routine of getting right into sex without relishing the moment with your partner. This is a mindful undressing exercise to try with or without intercourse. Undress your partner without using your hands, then let them do the same to you. Depending on your sexual style this may become very sensual or outright silly.
A new view
Get to know your partners body as if you are seeing them for the first time. Lightly caress their body, paying attention to unique aspects about them- scars, stretch marks, veins, wrinkles and so on. They can close their eyes or keep them open. Keep in mind that this can be triggering for some people. As you try this exercise, you will be building a great deal of trust. Make sure to switch roles so everyone is in the hot seat. No rushing- remember to be present.
Hugs
Take the time to give your partner a big hug. The type of hug you give someone you haven’t seen in a long time or are afraid you will never see again. These tight squeezes create warmth and closeness that nothing else can bring. It should be a safe embrace with the energy of your love radiating towards them. Take special note of what it is like to hug them, and how that hug is like no other.
Sharing the experience
Share your feelings of these exercises and your sexual interactions with your partner. Discuss what you really want in the interaction, what was positive, and what would make them even more positive. Not only does this create open positive communication, but sets you both up for communicating your needs in the future. Do not criticize each other and be kind while setting future goals with one another as a team.
Mindfulness
The takeaway to pleasure is being present and enjoying the experience with your partner. It is not orgasm, erection duration, or length of time of intercourse. It is simply enjoying one another.
Check out more Makeover here:
Happy sexual discussions friends!
– Jessie the Therapist
For more information and resources:
Sex made simple. By: Barry McCarthy, PhD
Sex matters for women. By: Foley, Kope, and Sugrue
Mating in captivity. By: E. Perel
The sexual healing journey. By: W. Maltz
Go ask alice! Website: https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/
Photo by: Catherine Zaidova
