Yup- that moment when your mature, sophisticated big kid starts crawling around, talking baby talk. One of the most frustrating moments of any parents life. But believe it or not, it is completely normal but should not be ignored. Here is why it may be happening and what to do about it.
But why?
Play
Are they just playing? Just throwing this one in there. They may just be playing a game of ‘being a baby’. Can still get irritating as a parent, but is nothing to worry about.
Hungry, Tired, or Sick
Just like adults, kids get mentally drained when they are hungry, tired, or sick. And also just like some adults, we see regression when these things occur. Checking to see if any of these are the case is an easy first defense in seeing why they may be struggling.
Trauma
When I say ‘trauma’ I don’t necessarily mean a car accident or abuse- it can be that. But trauma is anything that the person interprets as scary or could create emotional/physical harm. It is more important that you ask them how they felt about the situation and if it is distressing. For example, losing a favorite blankie (heartbreaking) or having a classmate call them names (embarrassment and sadness).
New Baby/Pet Envy
Any time the family structure changes, everyone is displaced for a bit until they find their place again. Even the idea that a new pet is taking up some of the attention they once had can be very distressing and can create the need to seek out more/different attention.
De-stressing
If they have requirements all day (following rules/doing chores/taking care of a pet), they may want to take a moment to relax. This may mean that they want to be babied so they don’t have to do anything.
Strategy
Do they get what they want when they are a baby? Specifically look for if they are a baby with only certain people or certain circumstances. The best way to test this theory is to change your reactions to them when they start the behavior. You will learn really quick if that is their motivation or not.
Overwhelmed
Regression is very common if they are overwhelmed and don’t know what to do. Too much noise, people, light, physical touch, or even attention can create overload. Once they are out of the overwhelmed state, it is helpful to ask what they were experiencing and how you can help.
Nurture
We all have varying degrees of physical and emotional affection we need throughout our lives. But often times it is difficult to put into words our needs. Kids are the same way and sometimes they need more nurture than they did before.
Security
If there is a lot of changes happening or if they are away from you more- this creates an extra need for feeling safe and secure. Again, most kids are not good at verbalizing it and can actually get worse at asking for comfort as they get older. So pay attention to cues and help them learn to ask to get their needs met.
What to do:
Problem solve.
Find better/more satisfying ways to get attention or unwind. Try to teach them how to ask for their needs to be met because this is an amazing skill to have as an adult.
Schedule the baby time.
Give extra loves, read more books together, or get some cuddle time in before bed. The key here is to plan it out and make it part of the routine. They are less likely to randomly do it if they know their is a time that they can look forward to and it happens on a regular basis.
Spotlight.
Outwardly note the good things they are doing in order to promote that specific behavior. Discuss why being a ‘big kid’ is such an awesome thing (allowance, cooler toys, etc.) Plus they will be getting extra positive attention.
Reminisce
Look at baby pictures, tell stories, or play with old toys together. We all miss different time periods in our life for various reasons. And although we can’t go back, it is still nice to reminisce and laugh at those good times. If you take a few moments to reminisce, you are less likely to try and recreate them now because you see it as a past event.
One-on-one time
By having focused time with your kid you are helping them develop new ways to gain attention in a positive way. You are also relationship building so that they can come to you with their feelings and concerns.
Hugs, hugs, and more hugs
One of the biggest changes from being a baby to a big kid is less physical touch. So make sure to take the time to ask if they want a hug, a high five, or just to sit next to them. When you take the time to ask, it is opening up dialogue about all of their life and helps them develop skills on how to ask for needs to be met.
My Challenge to you: Stand back for a moment and try to see why your kid is acting like a baby. Problem solve that situation and assist them in getting their wants/needs met in more mature ways. Not only is this a good skill for now, but it will help them emotionally develop as a mature adult.
Happy baby behavior solving friends!
– Jessie the Therapist
Photo by:Jens Johnsson
