Have you ever repetitively rerun a conversation you have had over and over until you feel like your brain is going to explode? This is a form of rumination and it can be completely overwhelming. For example, the holidays are full of social interactions with people you may not socialize with on a regular basis. Thoughts like: Was that okay to say? Did she look at me weird? I bet they thought that was dumb. Why would I share that? And on and on and on until your so overwhelmed, you want to run away.
So if you have done this (or are currently doing this), here is some tactics to overcoming the overthinking.
Self focused.
Everyone is egocentric, meaning- they are focused on themselves and what they are doing. Most people are worried about their own behaviors and do not notice you as much as you think. So more than likely they didn’t notice your silly remark. But if you are worried that they did – ask them. I know, I know. Scary right? But once you ask in an honest and exposing way, they can reassure you that it wasn’t weird or if it was- that you shouldn’t worry about it because we all do say weird things sometimes when we are nervous. Honest and open is the best policy here- like most things.
No control.
You can’t control how people view you. People may dislike you for no reason or a dumb reason- like the way you nose moves when you talk (Actual reason someone doesn’t like me personally). You may have put yourself out there to be open and honest with them, but instead of being kind they rolled their eyes or made fun of you. This is a good indication that you simply need to make distance from this person. You don’t need to be around people that are not up-lifting.
Predicting the future.
You can not predict the future- sorry. We tend to anticipate social interactions as awkward or uncomfortable without even being in the situation yet. Sometimes this is enough to avoid the interaction altogether. So instead of working the situation up in your head to be horrible- try to enter the situation with an open mind. Even giving yourself a mantra or positive affirmation before can help you start with a positive mindset. You are wonderful- so no matter what happens, you will be okay.
Create a plan.
Create a plan and goal for interactions in the future and now. This gives us a sense of control and moves into an action plan, eliminating cyclical thinking. Do you really want to hang out with these people all the time? Do you want to be best friends? Do you need to be kind acquaintances? Know your goal and stick to it. Everyone says and does things that are awkward. Everyone. When something awkward happens, remind yourself of your endgame.
My Challenge to you: With your next social interaction, I want you to use one of these tactics. If you find your thoughts circling- write it down and discuss it with a trusted friend or family member. Remember that you are wonderful and a delight to socialize with. If others don’t see that- then they are not the folks you should be around.
Happy rumination reducing friends!
– Jessie the Therapist
Photo by:T L
