The love season is upon us and with roughly 63% of the population is not satisfied with their sex life, it is time for a makeover. Based on the scaffolding in Foley, Kope, and Sugrue’s 2012 book “Sex Matters for Women” , we will be reviewing the new mantra of sex therapy: desire, pleasure, eroticism, and satisfaction. Here are the general rules we are going to follow as we go through this four part series.
Rule #1: Go to therapy. Nothing really is a substitute for a one on one therapist who will customize treatment for you. Specifically if you or your partner have sexual/emotional/physical trauma, a therapist is a better suited situation. In this same vein- seeing a medical doctor is helpful so that all your medical needs are addressed as well.
Rule#2: When you discuss this with your partner, don’t surprise them. If you have not talked about sex/intercourse/sexual pleasure directly before, it can be uncomfortable to start. So be a kind partner.
Rule #3: Don’t complain to your partner. Any complaints will be met with defense. It is better to make suggestions and be honest with one another without making it the other person’s fault.
Rule #4: Consent- ALWAYS. Just like all sexual interactions- anyone, for any reason, at any time- can say that they want to stop. And then everyone stops. Everyone gives consent to this adventure or it does not happen. Consent is very important and is always upheld.
So now you know the rules, I guess it is time to get started. This week I want you to write down what you would like to see happen with these makeover, when to seek therapy, and discuss the rules/goals with your partner. Remember- you are a ‘Super Sex Team’ and will need to work together for positive change to happen.
Happy sexual discussions friends!
– Jessie the Therapist
Loewenstein, G. et al. “Does Increased Sexual Frequency Enhance Happiness?” Journal of Economic Behavior and Organization (2015) 116:206.
Meston, CM and DM Buss. “Why Humans Have Sex,” Archives of Sexual Behavior (2007) 36:477.
For more information and resources:
Sex made simple. By: Barry McCarthy, PhD
Sex matters for women. By: Foley, Kope, and Sugrue
Mating in captivity. By: E. Perel
The sexual healing journey. By: W. Maltz
Go ask alice! Website: https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/
Photo by: rawpixel
