If you thought bullying stopped once you got out of school, you would be wrong. Adult bullying is a real issue and you have probably had this happen to you whether you know or not. An adult bully is someone who tries to be intimidating, controlling, unruly, high pressure, shaming, or condescending. If you are the bully- it is time for you to stop and just focus on yourself. If you are the one being bullied, here is the best tactics to protect yourself and stop it.

• Keep yourself safe.
  • The most important aspect is keeping yourself safe. Do your best to avoid interactions with them and use the supports around you to be protected. If situations get intense make sure you take action by telling a supervisor or even calling law enforcement. The number one goal here is your safety.  
• Avoid.
  • Sometimes the best way to keep yourself safe is avoiding the situation altogether. If possible change up your routine a bit so that interaction with them is minimal. If you need to- try to change your situation altogether, as in breaking off a bad relationship.
• Don’t change your morals.
  • Hold to your morals and ethics. When you start to compromise these, we start to have inner turmoil and did not feel true to ourselves. It creates upsetting emotions for us that will affect our relationships, mental well-being, and health.
• Stay calm.
  • If you start to get emotionally riled up, the bully will know that they have gotten to you. Try to stay rational and clear with your intent of the interaction. If you start to feel yourself get heated, excuse yourself to collect your thoughts. Remember you are in control of yourself.
• Be assertive and give clear communication.
  • Stay assertive with your presence and avoid becoming aggressive, passive, or passive-aggressive. Any communication should be clear and concise.
• Get support.
  • Most of the time, having a buddy with you can help you feel confident and supported when in conflict. It is also good to have a resource in case things turn in a bad way. People can support in different ways such as giving you a place to stay, remind you of the positive parts of life, or give you a chance to talk it out.
• Take action.
  • When all else fails you will need to take action. Talking to a supervisor, discussing the situation with the bully directly (preferably with a witness), or contacting law enforcement are all options. You might find that the bully does not know that they are being hurtful or they may even apologize for their poor actions. The goal here is to keep you safe. You do not need to endure abuse from anyone.  

My Challenge to you: Pay attention to your social interactions this week. Do you feel bullied? What benefit do these relationships have for you? Do you feel emotionally abused? If so, it might be time to reevaluate these interactions- would they get better with a heart to heart talk? Or is it time to reduce their interactions with you?

If you are the one who is trying to be intimidating, controlling, unruly, high pressure, shaming, or condescending- ask yourself “why am I doing that?” Try to get your interactions to be more positive for all persons involved. You might be surprised how nice it is and all the benefits of being positive.

Focus on happy interactions, friends!

-Jessie the Therapist