Recently I bought a complete box set of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movies (1, 2, & 3). While watching them I found it interesting how each turtle plays a specific personality role in their family. I realize that it is a movie for entertainment purposes, but still, this got me thinking about birth order and the roles that each of us play within our families. So using the turtles as a jumping off point- here is some interesting facts about birth order.
Leonardo (First Born): First borns are the start of the family and relish the time they have as the only child before other children come along. The tend to be good at reading the world around them and modify behaviors in order to stay in tune with it. This often makes them leaders, achievers, very structured, and controlling.
Parenting tips:
-Minimize parental pressure for them to achieve. They are already very hard on themselves and to much pressure can result in low self worth.
-Do not pile on responsibilities. Even though they will probably do it all, it can make them feel like more of a work horse instead of a fun member of the family.
Raphael (Second Born): Second borns are more likely to rebel as the push back on their achiever older sibling. They tend to struggle as they find their place in life, but also usually have a strong social structure. As they find themselves, they do more internal analyzing which if cultivated, can develop into a strong sense of self.
Parenting tips:
-Always make time to relationship build. This will make communication better, so that when they feel forgotten, they are more likely to seek guidance.
-It is better to listen than talk. As they talk they can work out the issue, but if you give to much advice they are more likely to dismiss it and less likely to communicate further.
Donatello (Third Born): Third born children are most affected by family relationships and tend to be the peacemakers. They seem to blend personality traits with the second born in that they are both middle children trying to find a place. However, the third out of fourth born tends to be more nervous and cautious in their journeys and will often have hidden talents that few know about.
Parenting tips:
-Make sure to ask for their opinion and let them make decisions. This helps them feel important in the family structure and less likely to feel forgotten.
-Don’t forget them. I know this sounds silly, but in the growing chaos that is a family with four children, sometimes the quietest got overlooked. Make sure there is photos of them and that their talents get showcased.
Michelangelo (Last Born): The last born child worries about the family as a whole and wants people to be happy and have fun. They may try to lighten the mood of the family at their own expense. They tend to be outgoing and charismatic. However, they can be manipulative and will learn to ‘play the system’ of the household.
Parenting tips:
-Don’t forget their little achievements. Just because all their older siblings have accomplished the same milestone, doesn’t make it less wonderful for them.
-Give them responsibility too. This shows them that they are just as competent and capable as their siblings. It also demonstrates that everyone in the family is important and able to follow its structure.
My Challenge to you: Take some time this week to look over your origin family birth order and if you have a family of your own, how birth order plays into that structure. Sometimes it is just interesting to notice your family structure and see if there is any areas that could be improved with this observation.
More information:
Birth order theory: A case for cooperative learning.
Morales, Carmen A.
Journal of Instructional Psychology, Vol 21(3), Sep 1994, 246-249.
Born to rebel: Birth order, family dynamics, and creative lives.
Sulloway, Frank J.
New York, NY, US: Pantheon Books Born to rebel: Birth order, family dynamics, and creative lives.(1996). xviii 653 pp.
Happy family analyzing friends!
– Jessie the Therapist
