Sometimes we push away healthy people. Sounds like a silly thing to do, but we do it and we feel like we can’t help it. It is rooted in the big insecurity that we don’t deserve a healthy lifestyle. Well- you do and the people around you deserve it too. Here is what you are doing to push people away and how to correct it.

Defensive

If you have the view-lens that everyone is out to get you, then you will be defensive and serious about everything. Now granted, their are people out there who will try to take advantage of you. And you shouldn’t put yourself in a position to be taken advantage of- however, you have to take risk for gain. Recognize that you are coming to the table in defense and try to not take things so personally. If for some reason it backfires and you are taken advantage of, realize that you will survive it (like you have in the past) and move forward in your goals.

Jealousy

If you find yourself jealous of the others you are interacting with, it can consume your thoughts and actions. Figure out why you are jealous- is it really them? The things they have? Or the people in their life? Then ask yourself- are these really things you want? Are you willing to have the consequences and sacrifices they have had to gain it? At this point you will need to determine what you want your life to be. Focusing on your own goals will help you move forward and even help you learn to cheerlead others.

Validation

Outside validation may make us feel better for a second, but it does not correct the inner insecurities that need to be remedied. When we spend a great deal of time asking or seeking outside validation from others, it is off putting and can even lead to others getting ‘burned out’ from the relationship. For you to be truly validated and secure there must be inner peace and kindness. Start this healing by stopping and thinking about why you are doing what you are doing. Do you like what you are doing? Does it bring you joy? As long as it is not hurting yourself or others, you should do things that make you happy.

Gossip

Others may participate in the gossip, but it is not healthy. If you talk poorly of others it sets the tone for negativity. If you are talking poorly about others, they will also assume you are talking the same way about them. It creates a backstabbing theme that is awful for long term social happiness.

Hiding

Hiding emotions does not create deep, open and honest relationships. There is nothing wrong with easing into expressing your emotions but if you expect people to be open and honest with you, you need to do the same.

My Challenge to you: Trying to master all of these at the same time is overwhelming and will end in defeat. Pick one of these to work on and develop a specific plan for you. You will never be perfect at it, but there is always room for improvement. You can even pick one a day to work on and then circle back to each of them a few different times.

Happy connecting friends!

– Jessie the Therapist

 

Photo by: Ashley Jurius