We all complain from time to time- and really we should be able to express when something is upsetting or incorrect. But most of us are not effective at it. So if you’re going to complain anyway- let’s make you really good at it.
– Minimal.
If you over saturate everyone with your complaints, they will not listen when you have a serious one. Do it sparingly. When you do complain, you need to get to the point quickly and with minimal offshoot information.
– Educate yourself.
Know what you are talking about and if you don’t, take the time to research it. As you research you will gain a better understanding of the issue and possible solutions to the problem. If you don’t educate yourself and start arguing your point with little information, others will start to realize that you don’t know what you are talking about and ignore you.
– Rational.
The best complaints have rationale behind them. Emotions, though valid, are more difficult for others to understand and even harder to remedy. If you are sharing emotions make sure that you verbalize them in “I feel” statements and not “You made me feel” statements. “You made me feel” statements put people on the defense and stop listening to you in a calm manner.
– End game.
People always seem to forget this one. What is the goal here? You need to be honest with yourself about what you are trying to achieve. You may be complaining to be understood, solve a problem, get attention, or even to hurt someone else’s feelings. When you create a goal you are able to stay more focused on the task and various steps to get there. You may even realize that don’t really want to argue at all.
– Damages.
Understand the casualties of entering a complaint situation. In all interactions you should understand the possibility of creating or receiving wounds. Will this create damage in the relationship, reputations, financial standing, or even your safety? All these should be weighed and understood before taking on this interaction.
– Read the room.
Gear your argument to your audience and what is in it for them. We are all worried about ourselves. It is much easier to get someone on board with your idea if you tell them how it will also benefit them. 14-year-old Suvir Mirchandani informed his school district that by simply changing the common font Times New Roman to Garamond, it would save them $21,000 a year in ink. In this example Suvir Mirchandani understood that school districts are always looking for ways to clean up their budget and his proposed change would take very little effort on their part, but result in big gains. He knew his audience, the audiences general goals, and the solution was of minimal inconvenience.
– Time.
Take time to think. Go for a run, eat a meal, nap, scream into your pillow- whatever it takes for you to gain a clear picture. If it is not going to matter after a good nights rest- then it doesn’t need to be complained about.
My Challenge to you: When you consider all these elements, your complaint is much more likely to be taken seriously. And at the end of all this complaint construction you realize that it is not as big of an issue as you thought- move on knowing you were thorough and thoughtful.
Happy complaining friends!
– Jessie the Therapist
Photo by: Kiana Bosman
