I am scared all the time, honestly. In general I have been told that I am a very positive person who can cheerlead others and give them the confidence to achieve the things they are afraid of. I am seen as an optimist. I am not. I have seen some of the ugliness of life and somewhere down the line I started being on guard for every disaster. But being scared and jaded does not serve anyone well. So I decided to be aware of the scary things while taking positive movement. Here is how I work with being negative and fearful.
–Own it. Own the emotion that you are feeling and recognize that it is happening. We enjoy control but feeling emotions is not controllable (reaction to them is). So sit back and identify the emotion you are having. If you don’t know the ‘real word’ for the emotion, create one that represents it. For example, feeling sad/insecure/angry or feeling ‘green bubble tummy’ (general sense of doom or despair).
– Analyze. Analyze why you feel the emotions that you are feeling. Don’t get carried away with the actual emotion itself, just the ‘why’. Is it a real threat? How likely is it to happen? How devastating is it long term? We try to avoid thinking about these negative situations but in doing that we are not letting them play out. We never really realize how real or silly the fear is. If you never look at the scary thing trying to eat you, you will never know if it is truly a lion or just a zebra.
– Find the root. All fears are legitimate. However, you need to figure out what is feeding the specific scenario you are fearing. For example, I am scared that my children will drown. I have many nightmares about it and it is a legitimate fear with a fair likelihood (we swim and boat often). The root here is the heartache of losing a child and not being able to keep them safe. So if this is the root, my fear can relate to many scenarios- being hit by a car, stolen, lost, on and on and on. This is usually how fears start to spin out of control.
– Rational logic. Plain and simple, you can’t keep your kids/yourself/loved ones/random people save from everything. So calculate the risk and set up reasonable preventable measures. Keeping with the example, my kids wear lifejackets and we are working on swimming skill level. There is still a chance they could drown, but the likelihood is significantly less.
– Feel your power. Take steps today that will prevent your fears tomorrow. This will empower not only you, but the people around you. If you make these part of your goals, you significantly less likely to focus on that fear because you are moving forward in a positive direction.
You will still be scared, that doesn’t go away. But you are not helpless. Even if you are in a bad situation, you are resourceful and capable. And if all else fails, you fight. Because you are a force to be reckoned with.
My Challenge to you: Pay attention to your fears and negative thoughts. Go through these steps and address them, ending on a positive ‘moving forward’ stance/goal. Remember that negativity has never served anyone, so turn the negatively into steps taken now for positive change. Be the positive change you want to see.
Happy fear addressing friends!
– Jessie the Therapist
Photo by:Jakub Kriz
